Choosing What Matters in the Chaos of Parenting

Oh friend… parenting is HARD. It has always been hard, but in today’s technology-filled world we are constantly bombarded with everything we should be doing, shouldn’t be doing, or doing better. As a boy mom, we get the extra joy of being regularly reminded that putting our kids in school where they sit all day is bad, they should be active—but also don’t let those activities run your life. It can feel like a lose-lose situation.

When I get overwhelmed by all the “do this” and “don’t do that” noise, I try and remember to tell myself: we are doing the best we can—and the best for our family.

We have five active boys, so sports have become our common extracurricular with the older three. And let me tell you, there are plenty of opinions about what is “right” when it comes to sports. Let them just have fun—but don’t let them fall behind or they won’t be competitive later. Play multiple sports—but also don’t let sports take priority in your schedules.

Okay.

Right now we have three boys playing spring Little League. Practice twice a week for the older two, once a week for the third, and only one day overlaps. That means Monday through Thursday practices, and possible games Friday evening through Sunday afternoon. If you’re doing the math, that’s seven days a week for three kids to play one sport… but don’t let sports rule your life. Ahhh.

I’m slightly terrified to imagine what five kids in five activities might look like one day. Thank goodness for a good village—because there are only two of us.

So how do we balance it all? The short answer is, we don’t. However, we have learned a few things that help us navigate this season.

One of the best things my husband and I did—before we had kids—was talk about how we wanted to handle sports and extracurriculars. (I can’t stress “wanted” enough, because before kids we had absolutely no idea what was coming.) This topic came up often, especially after we found out our first was going to be a boy. We had our own childhood experiences to reflect on and plenty of examples around us.

We decided early we did not want to be pulled into club teams or year-round of one sport. So far, we’ve participated only in rec-style sports. With multiple kids playing, we limit seasons to spring and fall. I don’t know if that will last forever, but while they’re still young, we try to protect our summers and winters from being dictated by a sports schedule.

Another priority we’ve tried hard to protect is family dinner time.

Yes, that sometimes means eating later during sports seasons. It would be so easy to let convenience take over. When the bus drops kids off at 4:30 and you must leave by 4:40 for a 5:00 practice that ends after 6:00, and you’re home at 6:30 with hungry, sweaty boys… starting dinner for a family of seven at that point is no small task. By the time you cook (30–45 minutes minimum), eat, bathe, and start bedtime, everything rolls together in one big chaotic blur. And with five boys under 10, “chaotic” is putting it kindly.

It would be easy to grab fast food and save the prep time. But eating out for a family our size isn’t cheap. And more importantly, dinner time is sacred to us.

Outside of bedtime—when kids suddenly remember a million urgent things they need to tell you to avoid sleep—dinner is one of the most valuable times we have to talk. We play a “favorite thing” game. Boys talk a lot, but they don’t always share deeply. This little game opens the door for them to tell us their favorite part of the day—and sometimes their hardest part.

Some of my own fondest childhood memories happened around the dinner table. So, we’re building that habit now. And I’ll be honest—it’s not always a picture-perfect scene at the kitchen table. Sometimes it’s dinner in the living room watching a show together. Sometimes little boys can’t sit still. Sometimes it feels messy. But we’re building the expectation that this time together matters.

I share all of this to remind you—whatever you have designed for your family you are rocking it.

Take advice from others with a grain of salt. Implement it only if it fits your family and don’t let fear drive your decisions. Reframe “we can’t do that” to “we are choosing to do this instead.”

Parenting is hard. No matter how effortless it may look on social media, everyone is struggling with some aspect of raising a tiny human. Lean into what is right for your family, and don’t be ashamed if your choices look different than someone else’s.

You’re doing better than you think.